Fact-check - OLPC News Article

[Karlie Robinson]

Thanks.

I have to run out to a meeting, I'll update it when I get back. 

~K

Ignacio Vazquez-Abrams wrote:
> On Fri, 2008-11-21 at 12:04 -0500, Karlie Robinson wrote:
>   
>> The ending needs a wrap up, but could you check this rough draft for me? 
>> http://on-disk.com/cms/index.php?wiki=preview
>>
>> Anything jump out at you as wrong?  Either fact wise, or 
>> spelling/grammar wise? 
>>     
>
> Lots of very, very small paragraphs. I would fuse the following
> paragraphs:
>
> 1 and 2
> 3 and 4
> 9 and 10
>
> I would avoid mentioning "Amazon's commission" in paragraph 8 and simply
> state that you are an "alternate source". And "download" should be
> "downloading".
>
> "Support for the" at the beginning of paragraph 9 should just be "The"
> or "This".
>
> "(Linux, Apple, Microsoft)" in paragraph 4 are not quite in the same
> class, but that's probably more my pedantry than an actual problem per
> se. Perhaps "(Linux, Mac, Windows)" might be better, although still not
> quite precise. But everyone knows it as "Mac" and not "OS X".
>
> The "or" in paragraph 11 should be "nor", and "the cards," should be
> "them,".
>
>   
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