[K12OSN] spamalotless

[Peter Scheie]

(With apologies to Monty Python)

A mob gathers outside Les's office/cube and drags him off:

Villager: We have found a spammer, may we burn him?
Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HIM!
Bedevere: But how do you *know* he is a spammer?
Villager: He looks like one!
Othim Villagers: Yeah!  He looks like one!!!
Bedevere: Bring him forward.

(a young man is puhed through the crowd of villagers to the platform.  He
  is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around him face on top of 
him nose,
  and a black paper hat on him head.  He talks funny because him nose is
  closed by the carrot.)

Witch: I'm not a spammer, I'm not a spammer!
Bedevere: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
Witch: THEY dressed me up like this.
Villagers: No! nooo!  We didn't!  We didn't!
Witch: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!

(Bedevere lifts up the carrot to reveal the man's real nose, which is in
  fact rather small.)

Bedevere: Well?
One Villager: Well, we did do the nose.
Bedevere: The nose?
Villager: And the Hat.  But he's a spammer!
Villagers: Yeah! Burn him! Burn! Burn him!
B: Did you dress him up like this?
Villagers: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Villager: yes.
Villagers: yes. yes. yes.  A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Anothim Villager: (hopefully) He has got a wart...
B: What makes you think he is a spammer?
Villager: Well, He turned me into a newt!!

(pause)

Bedevere: a newt?

(long pause)
Villager: I got better...
Villagers: BURN HIM anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HIM!
B: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIET.  There are ways of *telling* whether he
    is a spammer!
Villagers: Are there?  What?  Tell us, then!  Tell us!
B: Tell me.  What do you do with spammers?
V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!!  You BURN them!!!!  BURN!!
B: And what do you burn apart from spammers?
Villager: More spammers!
Othim Villager: Wood.
B: So.  Why do spammeres burn?

(long silence)
(shuffling of feet by the villagers)

Villager: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....wood?
B: Goooood!
Othim Villagers:  oh yeah... oh....
B: So.  How do we tell whether he is made of wood?
One Villager: Build a bridge out of 'im!
B: Aah.  But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Villagers: oh yeah. oh.  umm...
B: Does wood sink in water?
One Villager: No! No, no, it floats!
Othim Villager: Throw him into the pond!
Villagers: yaaaaaa!

(when order is restored)

B: What also floats in water?
Villager: Bread!
Anothim Villager: Apples!
Anothim Villager: Uh...very small rocks!
Anothim Villager: Cider!
Anothim Villager: Uh...great gravy!
Anothim Villager: Chimries!
Anothim Villager: Mud!
Anothim Villager: Churches! Churches!
Anothim Villager: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck!
Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh!
B: exACTly!
B: (to a villager) So, *logically*...
Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word)
           If...he...weighs the same as a duck......he's made of wood.
B: and therefore...

(pause)

Villager: A Spammer!
All Villagers: A SPAMMER!

(they do consequently weigh him across from a duck on Bedevere's largest
  scale, and he does indeed weigh the same as the duck.)

Peter

Les Finch wrote:
> Sorry to say it was me using the software from spamalotless which works 
> very well but does not work with lists which is why I changed my email 
> address for this list, I do say sorry again for causing this to happen.
> 
> Les Finch
> 
> On 12/06/07, *Peter Scheie* <peter at scheie.homedns.org 
> <mailto:peter at scheie.homedns.org>> wrote:
> 
>     I tried to send a message to spamalotless via a link on their website,
>     asking for their help in resolving this problem.  Unfortunately, their
>     mailserver doesn't recognize the name they list on their website:
> 
>     Hi. This is the qmail-send program at mail3.sea5.speakeasy.net
>     <http://mail3.sea5.speakeasy.net>.
>     I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following
>     addresses.
>     This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.
>     <info at spamalotless.com <mailto:info at spamalotless.com>>:
>     217.68.243.9 <http://217.68.243.9> does not like recipient.
>     Remote host said: 550 5.1.1 < info at spamalotless.com
>     <mailto:info at spamalotless.com>>... User unknown
>     Giving up on 217.68.243.9 <http://217.68.243.9>.
> 
>     Peter
> 
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> 
> 
> 
> -- 
> Les Finch
> BAF- Computers
> 442 London Road
> High Wycombe
> Bucks HP11 1LP
> 
> 
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